Asato Musings
by Jollyolly
Summary: Tsuzuki contemplates his new relationship with Muraki. A Mur/Tsu ficlet.


Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei. The world is cruel.

A/N: Tsuzuki's POV on his feelings for Muraki. Enjoy!

* * *

_Yes...yes...feels...good...good...please...almost...almost..._

Sweat rolls down my chest as I grind my hips even more frantically against muscular white thighs, my jaw aching from clenching my teeth so hard. Urging my lover not to hold back, to give me everything he has and then some 'cause I'm so hot and feverish...all that matters is going over that edge with him. Feeling that indescribable bond with him. And my lover doesn't disappoint in that regard. I groan out his name to plead and that's all it takes. To my ever-loving delight, his beautiful body surges up, grabbing my upper arms and rolls me over, my back making a soft thud on the mattress, his nails digging into my hip bones, and his cock...

His thick cock sliding so deep inside me now.

_Ohhhhhhhhh_

My lover...he's thrusting...faster...oh yes! I try but...but I can barely keep up.

All I can do is take it...my body greedy for every deep, hard, mind-blowing -

THERE! RIGHT THERE!

My back arches into a bow, my lover's hands slipping underneath to grip my shoulders as he bumps that tender spot within me again and again.

SO GOOD!

He's so good! How does he know exactly where to find it? That incredible spot deep inside me that makes me shudder and moan and scream and beg with absolutely no shame.

Oh god! His mouth...ohhhh yes. His mouth...his tongue now licking at the drops of sweat on my chest and latching onto a hard nipple. Biting and kissing that sensitive nub. And his hands...sliding all over me...one of them pumping and squeezing my hard cock. Too much! All of it, so incredible and erotic...I pant and moan at the assault. Almost...oh please! I can't...I can't...take much...more...

_"KAZUTAKA!"_

My maddening desire that had been building and building, explodes white-hot, sharp and sweet. I'm so estatic, so happy that Kazutaka, my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent lover has brought me here...to this place where nothing bad or hurtful can ever touch me. Only Kazutaka's love surrounds me. Only my Kazutaka's love takes me there. His love filling me...filling every cell, every molecule, every crevice of my sinful soul. So much so that I'm sure I'm made pure...washed clean and pristine.

azutaka...

"Beloved?"

His voice. His endearment for me resonates in my brain, straight through to my heart and happily, I open my eyes, blinking up at him, my body still quivering from aftershocks.

"Ka-kazutaka?"

His soft lips brush over my damp brow, down the bridge of my nose to my flushed cheeks and linger over my mouth, his sweet breath mingling with mine.

"So beautiful," he whispers, his eyes adoring. I can feel my face grow warm from his praise.

His kiss...

I...I can't seem to get enough of his kisses. It's like...like I'm addicted. But in a good way, if such a thing is possible. I could go on kissing him and kissing him until...until time stopped. Until the world ceased to be and the stars grew cold and hard in the universe. In other words, forever. Not very romantically put, my feelings for Kazutaka. Not by a long shot. It's one thing to try to express those feelings to myself, let alone outloud. But I gotta give myself points for trying.

Kazutaka breaks away to plant numerous pecks on my swollen lips, his arms shifting to situate us under the blankets. I don't get it! Where does he get the strength? I can barely connect the necessary brain cells to maneuver my limbs. And here Kazutaka is, moving his body and my body under the tangled covers.

Unbelievable.

I do try to help by scooting some of the covers from underneath my back, but my body is so not cooperating. This time, I shift my weight again and pull up closer, my arms going around his shoulders to better hold him still. My heart...my heart's beating a hundred times a minute. Just like right after a battle, when I go toe-to-toe with a troublesome demon. And my heart rate and adrenaline go up. But this...

This is crazy. So crazy because I'm kissing him and that alone just turns me helpess and needy. But, again, in a good way.

"Kazutaka...I...I..."

I want so much to tell him how he effects me but I get so damned tongue-tied and I know it would come out wrong. My words, clumsy and ineffective. And I have no experience in this! Talking all romantic and sweet...like how he talks to me.

Instead, I settle for a smile and judging from the warmth coming from my face, a blush. I do that a lot around him, it seems. He says that's one of the things he loves about me and I honestly don't know why. A man my age shouldn't be blushing this much. I mean-

_Whoa..._

That smile...

Did I ever mention to Kaztuaka how much I love seeing that smile? Such a genuine smile too. It reaches all the way to his eyes. And the corners kind of crinkle and get a shimmer in them...like...diamonds. I like that. I like it so much I try to make him smile like that every chance I get. That's why I've been telling him all those dumb jokes of Watari's. To see that gorgeous smile and to know that I was the one to cause it to come out.

Oh man. I sound so much like a love-struck teenager. But, dammit! I can't help it! Anything that Kazutaka does takes my breath away!

Sighing, I lay my head on his shoulder, my face against his warm neck.

Being like this...wrapped up in my lover's arms...my worries cast away...is heaven to me.

I smile.

If someone had told me six months ago, Muraki Kazutaka, who I hated at the time and was my worst enemy, would be my best friend, lover, and fiercest protector, I would've called down my shinigami and toasted the idiot AND his ancestors to boot!

But here I am.

Kazutaka's own deep sigh gusts over my hair, ruffling it, and I can tell by that that he as content as I am. I'm beginning to interpret those sighs...those smiles...even those occasional frowns. But the frowns aren't entirely a bad thing, I've come to find out. Kazutaka is more than likely contemplating something heavy. But, truth be told, I'm really partial to Kazutaka's playfulness.

I know.

Kazutaka Muraki playful?

Who would've thought? Certainly not me, that's for sure. I didn't know such a characteristic was even possible in him. Not before we became lovers. But then again, how could I have known? When we battled each other, which seemed like a million years ago, how could I have known Kazutaka harbored a sense of humor or even could even crack a smile, for that matter? That he could make me laugh with a story or even by a quirk of his brows.

Amazing.

I gasp at the sensation of his hands gliding down my back and arms. I shiver and rub my cheek against his chest, his heartbeat drumming in my ear.

Hmm. It's a bit fast.

Closing my eyes, I chew at my bottom lip. Kazutaka's hands are so soothing, so sure. He's not afraid to touch me...they're not tentative or shy. Not like mine. But I can tell that, lately, I'm getting better at not thinking so hard about it. Just reaching out and touching him if I want to.

"Are you cold, Asato?"

I look up and give a slight nod. "A...a little, Kazutaka."

Liar!

Now, why'd I go and say that?

I want to tell him it's not the cold but him! It's the way he's touching me right now. His hands gliding all over my bare skin...I can feel goosebumps prickling all over. But why can't I tell him HE'S the cause of my shivering? For some reason, I'm too embarrassed. And I curse myself for that.

Before I can even try to form the words, the moment is gone. Now, he's tucking a blanket around me and rubbing my back at the same time, my heart warming at his thoughtfulness but mad at myself for letting yet another opportune moment slip away. I just know it would make him happy to know how happy he makes me, how content I am. I know it would please him. And I want nothing more than to please him.

"Is that better, beloved?"

Glancing up, I smile, my chest bursting with warmth at silver eyes twinkling. "Yeah. Thanks."

Kazutaka looks after me. I'm beginning to realize that. And...and that's another thing. In all those silly romantic novels I've delved into, the hero would make these grand gestures like taking his love and a whirlwind trip to Paris or buying a huge diamond ring or bending down on one knee to declare his devotion in front of thousand people. And at the time I was imagining someone doing that to me.

Crazy.

Kazutaka did do that in the past. Dozens and dozens of roses and blatant sexual remarks to get me all flustered which I'm sure he enjoyed to no end. But that was then.

Now...now, it's the little things. The small gestures Kazutaka does for me. Like making sure I get enough covers to tuck me in or insisting I take the last portion of food at meal times or offering to scrub my back, wash my hair and taking his time doing just that. No one's ever treated me this...this good before.

My heart squeezes and on impulse I reach out to take his hand, bringing those long fingers to rub against my cheek.

"Asato?"

I look up quickly and smile to reassure him I'm all right. But my eyes must have said different because his brows are knotting up.

"I'm okay," I tell him quickly, giving his hand a squeeze to emphasize. "Honest, Kazutaka. I'm just...just happy." It sounded so weak and yet...

The frown goes away to be replaced by that smile. That beautiful smile. Thank goodness. I don't like to see Kazutaka upset even a little. And if I can help it I'll try to prevent him from being worried.

No.

That's not right.

As soon as I thought it I knew it wasn't right. Being in a relationship doesn't mean everything going to go smoothly all the time. And besides, what's the point of being in one if I can't tell Kazutaka when things worry or upset me? And vice versa. I definitely want to know the same from Kazutaka.

"Are you, Asato? Are you happy?"

Kazutaka's voice sounds hopeful and I reach up to kiss him in answer.

"Yeah, Kazutaka. I'm very happy," I reply, looking straight into his eyes, resisting the urge to duck away in embarrasment. "And...you're the reason for it."

"Beloved..."

What's that? Tears? I-I've never seen...Kazutaka's eyes...they're so...

"Don't Kazutaka! I'm sorry!" I blurt out.

He's crying! Why's he crying? I only meant that I'm happy and he's the one that's done it. Why is he upset?

I bring up my hands to cup his face, the pads of my thumbs brushing away droplets.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, distressed.

But he's smiling and moving his head from side to side as another tear slips down his cheek.

"Don't be sorry, Asato. It's just that...your words affected me so deeply. That's the first time you said that to me," he confessed.

I'm dumbstruck.

Is it really the first time I said that to Kazutaka? The first time I let him know what he means to me? Truly? How can that be?

I'm such an idiot!

"I AM sorry, Kazutaka! Sorry that I haven't been more open about my feelings for you!" I exclaim, throwing my arms around him. "You mean everything to me! Everything! Please know that much! I promise I'll tell you more often. Everyday, in fact!"

"Asato, Asato," I can hear the smile in my lover's voice, his arms tight around me. "I know you love me..."

"I DO! I DO love you, Kazutaka!" I sob out.

I don't want Kazutaka to think that I don't, that I'm taking him for granted or anything. He's so generous and loving and I don't want him to think I don't appreciate his love or the things he does for me.

"There, there. I know you do, beloved," he pats my back to reassure. "I know it because I see it in your eyes. In the way your beautiful eyes look at me. So full of affection and warmth."

I sniffle, pulling away to do just that, to look at him.

"Y-you do?"

That gorgeous smile. "Yes, beloved. Your gestures and smiles tell me this truth. You love me."

I bob my head and go back to hugging him. "I do, I do."

He chuckles. "Forgive me for being a bit weepy before. I don't doubt your love, Asato. Remember that. I was just...moved by what you said. Thank you."

I groan and hug him that much harder.

He knows I love him. He knows by the things I do and the way I look at him. But for me, it isn't enough. He needs to be told. I need to tell him with words. My words. No more searching for the perfect way to phrase it. Worrying if it's romantic enough. Just tell him plainly and honestly. And often. Starting now.

I turned my head to press my lips against the shell of his ear.

"I'm going to be more upfront about my feelings, Kazutaka. It's hard for me but that's no excuse. From now on, you're going to know exactly how I feel...how much I love you," I enunciate every word, my voice soft.

For several seconds, there's no response and I wonder if he understood. But, wait...he's trembling. The length of his body is shivering against mine. Before I can comment, a bunch of kisses assault my cheek and I can't help but let out a laugh and grin 'cause I know Kazutaka is pleased.

With one hand, reach for the blanket to throw over us. I tuck Kazutaka in carefully, making sure he's properly covered, seeing him smile at the corner of my eye. Then I settle myself against him, his arm coming around me.

Yeah. Plainly and honestly.

I press my mouth to his ear and do exactly that.

OWAI

* * *

A/N: It's been so long since I last posted (does anybody care?) since my laptop konked out and this, that, and the other thing has been bombarding me! Anyway, I hope to be back with more Muraki/Tsuzuki ficlets such as this. Thanks for reading and a review would be great! Until next time! :)


End file.
